by Jack Cox
I just can't stress enough how important it is to take 100% responsibility for everything that is happening in our lives because, when we fail to take responsibility we give away our power but when we assume responsibility, we take control!
Irritated inner emotional states never seek solutions; they only seek reasons for why they have a right to exist! These states constantly feed us "good reasons" as to why we feel bad. The weakness that leads us to blame others blinds us to our real inner condition; which is going nowhere except around and down as long as we go on avoiding responsibility. The next time you feel yourself starting to become frustrated, angry or scared, do your best to remember that Negative emotions cannot exist without having something or someone else to blame.
If we choose not to react, but just to observe what is going on, we can become an objective witness of our own superheated emotions. And from the safety of this higher awareness we can often see options that we couldn't see before because of all the inner fire and smoke. Try this next time and your self-command will be restored and heightened.
No matter what happens, we should never blame anyone, or anything, for the events in our lives or the way we feel. Rising above the blame game is the same as learning how to be in total command of ourselves. Blaming conflict-filled feelings on any condition, or person, outside of ourselves is like getting angry at our shoes for being laced too tightly. You may know someone who is constantly depressed or angry or is afraid of a lot of things. If we are nervous and stressed out we can change by changing the way we communicate with yourselves. Our non-stop stream of mental dialog, our self-talk, is the biggest reason for our negative and disempowering emotions.
On the other hand you may know someone who is always jolly and cracking jokes. Such people are not just funny on the outside. They have humorous conversations in their heads all the time. They see the funny side of life.
Clients often tell me that " I can't help the way I feel. It's not my fault... if my boss, my wife, my kids would just (fill in the blank) then I'd feel better." or
"If someone would just listen to me, I'd be more successful."
"I can never get a break."
"I'm surrounded by idiots. It's no wonder I can't get anything done."
"Everyone is always sabotaging my efforts."
"If only my husband had not fallen for that beautiful younger woman I would still be happy"
Does any of this sound familiar to you? People who make these excuses are allowing themselves to be totally controlled by others.
Responsibility has nothing to do with blame. Responsibility is our ability to respond, to do something about it. to learn from it, and to move on with our lives. Bad things happen, that's life, but its up to us how we respond to it. The truth is that all our achievements and failures are 100% our responsibility because self talk creates our reality and no one can control what we say to ourselves, in our own heads, but us.
Bill Gates dropped out of college even though his parents didn't want him to. Yet he still managed to become a billionaire by the time he was 31. He didn't achieve that by telling himself he was a worthless dropout. No he created a marvellous reality for himself by taking responsibility and telling himself he could achieve anything. He then held a vision of the future he intended to have in his mind until, one day, he was impaired with his idea for the computer operating system MS-Dos.
Tiger Woods' dad made him practice, but that didn't ensure he'd be anything but pretty good. Lots of parents push their kids. But most people push back, experiencing only anxiety from it. Instead Woods took responsibility for himself, responded to the pressure in the right way and went on to become a world champion.
Everybody has pressure and setbacks, that's just 'so what?'. To the exact same situations, one person reacts with depression ("It's over now, I'll never make it."), another person reacts with anger ("It's his fault!"), and yet another person responds with hope and optimism ("Well, you can't win them all. I'll do better next time."). It's not what happens to us that counts, it's how we see what happens to us and around us, and how we handle it.
So when things don't go according to plan in one or more areas of life, to point fingers anywhere but to ourselves is to guarantee we keep getting more of the same. Its the self-talk in our heads that shapes our view of our world and of ourselves. If we keep seeing things in the same old way, we will keep getting the same poor results. Maybe its time for a change.
Change occurs from the inside out so we must change our beliefs and the way we see the world, first, using deliberate and controlled self-talk. If we want some circumstances or some emotional patterns to change in our lives, the only way it will happen is to examine our beliefs and attitudes surrounding the underlying issues, and then change them by changing our self-talk.
Most men and women recognise the need for a healthy balanced diet because good eating habits nourish the body. Good nutrition helps keep us agile and strong but how often do we consider the ideas we feed to our own minds? How can our minds create the best life conditions for us if we don't feed them the right mental nutrition, positive, constructive thoughts.